Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize