i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize