At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
