Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize