The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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