i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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