all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
