You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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