Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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