Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
NoShamevember. You game?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
