Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
