I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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