I wish my penis had an off switch
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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