Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
