this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
