I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
