He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
