My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
