waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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