your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
