So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
