i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
