i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
