you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
