Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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