Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
