he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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