Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
