I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
