the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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