Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
