Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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