3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
