I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
