He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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