Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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