Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
