Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
