Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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