So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
