Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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