I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize