Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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