I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
