dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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