Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
