You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
