Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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