I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
