The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
