i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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