What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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