what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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