Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
