I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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