I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
