she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You made out with two different species that night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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