it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
