Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
