omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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