I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
