Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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