I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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