apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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