did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
