She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
