We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
do nipples grow back?
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