anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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