I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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