at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My feet surprised me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
