Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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