I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
