I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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